Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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