You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
