you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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