he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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