i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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