i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
