I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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