My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
