I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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