He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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