if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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