I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
