Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
