i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
