Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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