I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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