very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we made out on top of his cat.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
