I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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