I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
