Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
