ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
