He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
