good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
