tell your sister to shave her snatch
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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