As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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