So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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