What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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