She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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