Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
