where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
