last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Barsexuality is the new black.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
