I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
