Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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