I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
