you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
