can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
