I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
