Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
