guys are only as good as the porn they watch
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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