i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
