Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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