I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
