Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
