If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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