awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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