Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
