i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
