you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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