so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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