Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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