He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
