the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
