Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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